


I'm a Real Boy

by CelestialSymphony



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Avian sex, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-28
Updated: 2012-01-18
Packaged: 2017-10-28 08:05:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/305692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelestialSymphony/pseuds/CelestialSymphony
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Several weeks into their three year voyage, John notices that Davesprite has been missing for a few days.  He goes to LOHAC and finds his orange feathery friend in need of comfort and a little bit more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Davesprite?”  John called as his feet touched down onto a half-submerged metal gear.

It had been three days since the orange avian had disappeared.  He had been a constant sight on the ship, or rather flying around above it.  The first day John hadn’t worried too much, thinking maybe he was just missing the other man by moments.  The second day he chalked it up to sleeping in.  After all there wasn’t much to do on a three year voyage except hang around the ship.  On the third day John finally asked Jade.  She was in the middle of a very intense game of checkers with Casey and had waved him off.

“He asked to go to LOHAC a few days ago,” She grabbed a red piece and moved it diagonally on the grid as the lizard across from her blew a bubble in annoyance, “Ha!  Take that!  But yeah, he’s been there for a few days now.”

“Well did he seem alright?” John wrung his hands a little worriedly, they had been on the ship a few months and Davesprite had never been away this long before.

“Fine to me,” Jade answered distractedly as Casey used her tail to slide a black piece along the board.

“Maybe I should go and check on him?” John huffed a bit, not liking being ignored.

“Have fun,” Jade moved another piece across the board as John stood by, impatiently tapping his foot until he almost snapped.

“Well?!”

“Well what?” Jade turned to him, surprise at John’s tone written on her face.

“I can’t very well go to LOHAC with my own powers, now can I?”  He wrote it off as his worry for the feathery asshole that he was being snippy, but he still felt bad when Jade looked a little hurt by his harsh tone, “Sorry.”

“It’s ok,” Jade forced a smile, she knew just as well how hard this whole three year trip concept was to wrap ones brain around, let alone get by trying to be chipper and not worry over sometimes the tiniest things, “Just tell me when you’re ready to come back.”

Before John could apologize again he felt the green tendrils surround him as the world around him grew exponentially.  He knew he was shrinking, but he preferred to think everything else was blowing up to preposterous proportions, for some reason that kept it from feeling completely weird.  As the green tingle subsided, a burst of heat washed over him as LOHAC appeared, presumably from Jade’s sylladex.  As he descended towards the molten ocean, John carefully took hold off the updrafts and air currents produced by the heat and began circling the planet for any signs on Davesprite.

John circled the small planet several times and was about to take the nearest portal to search the other worlds when something small and orange caught his eye, drifting on a soft breeze near the surface.  The boy flew closer and saw a soft feather dragging along the metallic surface.  The another, and still another, until the trail lead to a small dark opening in one of the clockwork buildings where several feathers clung to the tiny gears that whirred and clicked around it.

“Davesprite?”  John called as his feet touched down onto a half-submerged metal gear.

There was no response but a soft ruffling and a flash from inside the dark recess caught John’s attention and he called again, “Davesprite?”

“Go away, John,” The voice was cool and calm as always, but John had begun to pick up the subtle nuances of the patented Strider Cool, and what he heard worried him.

“Davesprite, you ok?” John took a step across the steaming metal as he heard another ruffle of feathers.

“Peachy fucking King, Egbert,” This time the irritation was evident, “Thank you, now please go away.”

John took a step into the darkness and let his eyes adjust before smirking, “Dude, are you sitting on a nest?”

“No, Just a pile of random shit that glitters that looks pretty.  Of course it’s a fucking nest.”

Sure enough the orange sprite was curled up in a mass of glitter and fluff.  John recognized pebbles from LOLAR, some Nakodile artifacts, broken gears, some glowing mushrooms from John’s planet, plenty of fluff which he assessed came from the massacred remains of a pile of smuppet skins that lay shredded nearby, and all of it was piled in a large white basin.

“Is that my bathtub?”

“Fuck off, you don’t need it anymore.”

“Woah,” John put his hands up, “No need to get all cagey Davesprite, I…”

“Dave,” His voice sounded more like a growl.

“What?” John was really confused and a little scared; he had never seen his friend act like this.

“My name is Dave,” John was sure if he didn’t have glasses on, fire would be shooting from his eyes burning a hole into his soul, “Not Davesprite, not Fake Dave, not Feathery Asshole.  My fucking name is Dave. I’m a Real Boy.”

“Hey, hey,” John rushed to orange boy-bird’s side as he wrapped his good wing around himself and snuggled down into the fluff, “I’m sorry.”

“John,” Dave’s voice was muffled through his feathers, “Just please go away?”

John settled on the edge of the tub and reached out a hand to put on Dave’s head, but his stretched his wing and buried himself further into his own feather.  This didn’t deter John who instead began to pet the exposed ridge of feathers.  A soft sound came from under the wing and it shuttered as he ran his fingers across the soft feathers and under to where the fluffy down was.  A smirked played across the blue eyes boy’s lips as the wing flexed then relaxed, lowering as John ran his hand further up, scratching under the feathered ridge the whole way.  When a shoulder was exposed, he switched to the feathers there, and when Dave’s orange neck and head finally appeared, John worked his fingers just under his friend’s ear, causing a hum to resonate through Dave’s throat as his head lulled to the side.  Dave’s jaw worked and his breath became labored as he leaned into the touch until quite suddenly a small chirp left his lips.

Dave suddenly went ridged as John giggled, “Dave, did you just chirp?”

“Shut up,” Dave suddenly pushed John away and buried himself under his wing again, “Get the fuck out.”

“Aww come on, Dave,” John couldn’t help but giggle, his prankster’s gambit going wild.

“Fuck off, Egbert,” Dave’s voice was muffled under his wing.

John started scratching again and Dave quickly lowered his wing and allowed John back at his neck feathers, all the while warbling, “God damn it…John…I said…leave…stop it…this isn’t…funny…peep!”

“So wanna tell me what’s wrong?” John continued to scratch Davesprite’s neck as the bird-boy leaned into his hand, his head supported by John’s wrist.

“What do you…peep…mean?”

“Well you’ve been gone for three days,” John smirked as he hit another tender spot and made Dave shudder and coo, “Then when I come and find you, you get all defensive, and you’re sitting on a nest and chirping at me as I scratch your neck.”

Dave raised his hand and reluctantly pushed John’s arm away, “Honestly didn’t think you’d notice.”

“Of course I noticed!” John scoffed, “You’re only my best friend ever.”

“No I’m not,” Dave lowered his head into his shoulders and pulled his wing protectively around his torso, not hiding his head, but wrapping himself like in a comforting blanket, “I’m not your Dave.  My John died, remember?  So I am just a sprite, a fake, a feathery asshole who wishes he could be Dave.”

John turned his face away, a bit ashamed that his friend felt that way, “But you are Dave.  You’re a part of him, anyway.  I think that when this is all over, you’ll be Dave again.  That all the dead Dave’s, and dead…ME’s will become part of the same person again and we’ll remember everything, then this conversation will seem silly in the end.”

“I hope you’re right,” Dave sighed, “Then again I hope the bird part fucks off and dies.”

“Why?” John beamed and scratched Dave’s wing playfully, “I kinda like this part.”

“Yeah well the rest of the package kinda sucks,” Dave gently shook off John’s hand again.

“Rest of it?”  John tilted his head in confusion.

Dave took in a deep breath and sighed, “You know I’m part bird, and I’ve been missing for a few days, and I kinda built this nest.  Well…”

Dave pulled back his wing and shifted back, his tail uncurling from under him revealing a bright red, glossy shelled egg.

“Holy shit, Dave,” John stared, his jaw slightly agape, “Is it gonna hatch?”

“I dunno,” Dave shrugged, “My human brain says ‘no’ because it wasn’t fertilized, but my birdbrain says ‘sit on it’.”

“But wait, I thought only girl birds could lay eggs?” John looked up at his friend, even as his fingers ghosted across the even shell of the ovum; it was warm and smooth as glass.

“Must’ve been a female crow,” Dave shrugged as his orange tail began to wind around the egg once more.

“So are you, like, not a boy anymore?” John blushed as he asked the question.

“Only you, Egderp, would ask such a question,” The orange Dave pursed his lips and crossed his arms, “Yes I’m still a boy, I just have a cloaca now.”

“A what?”  John giggled at the silly sounding word.

“A cloaca,” Dave’s cheeks flushed a deeper orange, “Kinda like a pussy I guess.  I’m not all that clear how it works, because some boy birds have them too.  It’s confusing.”

“Can I, uh, see it?” The little cave went silent except for the ever present hum of cogs grinding and lava bubbling outside. 

John blushed a deep red and Davesprite became one bright glowing color of orange, though his poker face was firmly in place.  John felt like fleeing, like hiding and never being found.  Ever. Again.

“Well, ya know,” Dave finally found his voice, “I still got the legendary Strider Man Meat down there too so…”

“Forget I said that,” John laughed nervously and buried his head into his hands, “Wow, way to go John.”

Dave chuckled and grabbed ahold of John’s wrist, causing the blue eyed boy to look up.  With his ghost tail, the sprite carefully lifted the egg out from under him and placed it into a crevice just outside the tub, one lined with glowing gears and fluff and rocks, obviously meant to keep the egg warm when Dave went out to look for more nesting materials.  Once he was sure the egg was secure, Dave pulled John down into the nest with him and snuggled up with the mildly protesting boy.

“Daaaaaaaave,” John feigned a struggle, “What are you doing?”

“Bro cuddles,” Dave wrapped his arms around John and pulled his wing around them like a blanket, nuzzling into his friend’s neck.

John took his fingers and started scratching under the long orange feathers around Dave’s neck again and to his delight Dave didn’t hide the warbles and chirps that escaped his lips as he melted into the boy.  After a few moments, John let his hands wander to the feathers on the boy’s chest, eliciting deeper sounds from Dave, who pressed his face harder into John’s neck, his fingers kneading at the back of John’s blue God-tier shirt.  Tentatively, the blue eyed boy moved his hands to Dave’s abs.  The tight mass of muscles flexed and extended under his touch as the orange boy bent his back, his breath hot and ragged on John’s skin.

“John,” Dave groaned and panted, his fingers twisting into the fabric of John’s shirt.

John swallowed hard and took a deep breath before decisively moving his fingers lower.  When he brushed up against a warm pulsating mass just under the feather line, Dave took in a sharp breath and John hesitated, realize it had to be Davesprite’s penis.  But his curiosity kept him going.  His fingers searched lower, finding and lightly teasing Dave’s balls as the orange sprite tail wrapped around John’s leg, grabbing and squeezing much like the hands at his back.  Dave let out a series of chirps and nuzzled hard into John’s neck, his hips pushing against John’s hand.  Suddenly, John’s fingers found an opening in the skin, wet and moist and tight muscles.  Dave whipped his head back in a surprised and pleasured gasp before launching towards John’s face and locking their lips together.

“Is that?” John bumped his sweating forehead against Dave’s.

“Uh-huh,” the boy’s voice was higher than normal, his breathing shaky.

John reached up with his free hand and removed Dave’s glasses.  Orange pupils met his watery blue ones before closing as their lips met again.  Dave let out a pained moan of pleasure as John gently slipped a finger into the cloaca opening.  The orange boy slipped his hands under John’s shirt and pressed hard against his friend’s lower back, his erection slipping from beneath the feathered covering and grinding into the bulge in John’s own pants.  Dave locked their lips again, his tongue invading John’s mouth as his slipped his hands into the slightly smaller boy’s pants, first cupping and kneading the muscles of his hips and ass, before sliding around front to grab ahold of John’s pulsating cock.

It was John’s turn to moan, “Oh Dave.”

“I love you John,” Dave panted, “I love you so much.  Please don’t stop.”

“I love you too, Dave,” John panted, sweat slicking back his hair, “Dave, I love you.  I love you.  I love you.”

Dave was on the verge of crying from relief and from the overwhelming pleasure.  Later he would blame it on stupid birdbrained hormones, though secretly he’d remember that this is what he’d always wanted, even before he’d prototyped himself with the orange crow sprite.  His body was a mix of newly found desires and hormones and confusion and understanding all jumbled inside of animal insticnts, both human and crow.  As John slipped a second finger in, Dave let out a small peep which made John giggle.

“Shut up,” Dave bumped his forehead against John’s, though he too smirked and chuckled.

“Dave,” John’s voice was soft and unsure, “I wanna…you know…”

As if to emphasize what he was too embarrassed to say, John scissor his fingers inside Dave’s opening.  Dave rushed his lips into John’s and moaned before pulling back.

“We are making this happen,” Dave smirked, his orange eyes burning as he got lost in cobalt orbs, “We’re gonna do this.”

John giggled and reluctantly removed his fingers from Dave.  The bird-boy removed his wing so John could sit up and rip off his shirt and hood.  As soon as flesh was exposed, Dave latched onto John’s nipples, licking and sucking and gently scrapping his teeth along the sensitive flesh, making John moan and shiver, his hands fumbling with the waistband of his pants.  Dave continued to kiss and suck at John’s chest and stomach until the smaller boy finally managed to get the rest of his clothes off.  Realizing the seriousness of what they were about to do, the two boys parted slightly, taking in the sight of one another, before Dave laid back on the nest.

Grabbing John’s hand and entwining their fingers, Dave smiled up, “It’s ok, John.  I love you, no matter what.”

John smiled and carefully laid down on top of his friend, their hips and erections sliding against each other as the two boys kissed once more.  John stopped moving and laid his head down beside Dave’s so he could catch his breath and the orange boy wrapped his arms around his friend, rubbing soft patters into the hot skin.

“I hope we remember this,” John’s voice was quiet and shaky, “I hope I remember that I love you, when it’s all over.  That you love me, too.”

“Always,” Dave cooed and pressed his cheek into John’s damp hair, “Always.”

John pulled back and rubbed his nose against Dave’s in an Eskimo kiss and giggled, “Good.”

Then they were kissing again, their hips grinding together as Dave’s hands played with John’s shoulder muscles.  John slipped a hand between them and once more found Dave’s opening, carefully pressing in first one finger, then two, and once he thought Dave was ready, a third finger, wiggling them inside the smooth opening.  Dave chirped and warbled and moaned and groaned, his fingers leaving trails down John’s back, his orange tail wrapping tightly around John’s leg.  John lowered himself a big so that Dave’s cock was pressing into his abs as he lined up with the opening.  Dave sucked in a breath and gritted his teeth as the head of John’s engorged dick slid inside, his finger digging into the boy’s shoulders.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” John panted and began to pull back out till Dave stopped him.

“No!” Dave panted and tried to uncontort his face, “No, please.  Just….give me a minute.”

John held still for a moment while the orange boy’s chest heaved beneath him.  Propping himself up with one arm, John took his other arm and began to scratch at the soft down feathers and that did the trick.  Dave’s muscles loosened and he relaxed, causing John to slide in a little more.  John reached between then and grabbed ahold of Dave’s protruding cock and the boy let out a cry.

“Oh my god! John?!” It was both a question and permission and the blue eyed boy was glad of it.

John slid himself the rest of the way into the opening before resting his head against Dave’s feathered chest, sweat beading up and looping down his nose.  Dave wrapped his arms around John’s shoulders and brought his wing over top of them like a shield, both boys panting and shuddering.  When he deemed it time to move, John put his hands on either side of Dave and carefully pulled almost completely out before pushing all the way back into the warm, smooth opening that tightened around him, flexing and stretching.  Dave groaned and chirped and arched his back, his tail curling around John’s leg even tighter as the boy pumped in and out, faster and faster. 

John knew he couldn’t last much longer, between the smooth but firm walls of Dave’s opening and the sounds the orange boy was making, he was ready to go over the edge into blissful oblivion.  Grabbing ahold of Dave’s cock, John gave it a fierce pump making the boy under him scream his name and claw at his shoulders, spilling orange glowing liquid onto their stomachs.  As Dave cried out his name, John pumped his hips once more and came, his hips thrusting shallowly as he emptied himself before collapsing on top of his lover.  Carefully, John climber up Dave’s chest till their lips met once more.  Dave beamed at him and nudged their heads together, his wing wrapping around them both.

“If you have a John-Dave-Bird baby,” John mumbled, “I will deny everything.”

Dave conked his head a little roughly against John’s as both boys giggled, “Fuck you.”

“Love you,” John’s voice was distant, sleepy.

“Love you too,” Dave wrapped his orange wing tightly around them both like a blanket before both boys fell asleep, nuzzled together and content.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave's egg hatches!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was asked to continue the story so here it is! And who knows, maybe I'll come back with some more ;)

John became aware of the world around him slowly.  He was warm.  Very warm.  Hot in fact.  But it was a soft warmth that surrounded him, like a big blanket and a soft, gently inflating and deflating pillow beneath him.  He sighed and nuzzled into the warmth as recent events bloomed back into his memory like pig puffy flowers of orange.  A soft scratching sound distracted him from his recollections and his brow furrowed, his eyes still shut.  The scratching sound came again and the figure beneath him shifted slightly.  The sound came again, more urgent this time, like someone tapping on glass.  It was followed by a curse from under him.

“Shit!” Davesprite shifted and gently shook John, “Hey, Egbert.  Time to get up.”

“Hmm?” John rubbed sleep from his eyes as he sat up and shifted off of Dave.

The ethereal boy bent over the side of his nest and began to rummage and finally produced the bright red egg from where he had stuffed it earlier.  The thing was shaking and the tapping sound became crystal clear.  John’s eyes widened as Dave’s narrowed worriedly.

“Dave!” John giggled with delight, “Dave it’s going to hatch!”

“I’m aware of that, Egderp,” Dave tried to hide the worry in his voice, but John recognized it and laid a hand atop the egg as well.

“Dave,” John smiled, “It’s gonna be ok.”

Dave was about to protest when he locked eyes with his bespectacled lover and sighed, “Ok, John.”

The blue eyed boy scooted closer and Dave lifted his wing to allow the boy in next to him, grabbing his hand and holding it tightly as his orange ghost tail wrapped protectively around the egg.  As the tapping grew more fervent, a small series of bright orange cracks began to form in the shell.  Dave squeezed John’s hand tighter and jumped a bit as a piece of shell burst open to reveal tiny orange fingers.  John was squirming and all but squealed as a tiny little peep came from the opening.  John moved to help the little guy out but Dave restrained his hand.

“Little guy has to do it himself,” Dave smirked at John, “Gotta prove he’s strong enough to be a Strider.”

John looked over his glasses at Dave with a smug expression but didn’t seek to help any further. Soon another piece of shell was pushed out and away followed by more triumphant peeps. Suddenly the whole side of the egg cracked open and John shot his hand out to catch the little orange lump that came tumbling out with it.

It was smaller than a human baby but much larger than a baby bird.  It was just as orange as it’s parent, it’s little tail curling reflexively around John’s pinky for support.  It had a set of small wings which were still covered in egg goop and it shook it’s head, sending little bits of glowing gel flying from it’s lighter colored hair.  It turned it’s little eyes up at the pair who hovered over it and John gasped.  They were wide and solid red.  It peeped, a little frightened at the two imposing figures above it and curled it’s wings around it.

“Ohhhh,” John cooed and brought it up close to his face, “It’s ok little guy!”

Red eyes looked up at John, then over to Dave, then back before chirping happily and reaching it’s hands out to grab at John’s glasses.  Dave nudged his shoulder into John and pulled him closer with his arm, enwrapping them all with his wing.  Tentatively, Dave reached out an orange finger and stroked the side of the mini sprite’s face, receiving a delighted chirp in response.  It grabbed ahold of Dave’s finger and began to gum at it absently.

“Dave,” John giggled, “I think he’s hungry.”

“What?” Dave looked from the mini sprite to John and back again, “Oh no, I ain’t chewing up no worms for the little guy.”

“Here,” John carefully handed the little sprite off and drew out his sylladex till he came across a banana and drew it out, peeling it open and giving a tiny piece to the eagerly chirping baby.

“Why do you have banana’s?” Dave watched as his miniature version grabbed ahold of the piece and began to gum at it happily.

“Casey loves ‘em,” John shrugged, “So I always keep a few with me.”

The little cave became quiet except for the occasional chirping for more as Dave held the little orange sprite and John broke off more bits of the mushy yellow fruit.  When he’d had enough, the little guy yawned and grabbed at the feathers around Dave’s neck sleepily.  Dave set him up on his shoulder and the little sprite quickly burrowed in and was quickly asleep.  After a few moments of watching the little baby sleep, John turned his eyes to Dave.

“Dave,” John whispered excitedly, “You’re a daddy!”

“Great, just what I wanted,” Dave sighed, “To be a single parent.  Well I guess it runs in the family.”

“You don’t have to be,” John smiled, “I’m here.”

Dave smiled back and squeezed John’s hand, “Thanks, John.”

“So what are you gonna name him?”

Dave looked at the little sleeping figure curled up on his shoulder, “You know, I think I’d like to name him after my brother.”

“Hmm,” John smiled and leaned in to kiss Dave, “I like that.”

The two carefully snuggled together and drifted back off to sleep with baby Dirk snoozing happily between them.

**Author's Note:**

> Trying something new with the whole Cloaca thing. Debating on continuing as a series or something. Based off a set of sketches that I saw and unfortunately have no link to :/


End file.
